Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Humor... Ark, Ark...

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Super Pup at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. By this point, practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story.

I continued that I probably shouldn't continue this diet, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. However, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms, so I thought I'd eat another bag and lose some more weight.

Horrified, the woman asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no. How I wound up in the hospital: I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

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