Friday, April 30, 2010

Beware Those Maniacal Anthropomorphic Carrots

Was reminiscing with some fellow fans of Irwin Allen’s oft maligned sci-fi series... rival to Gene Roddenberry’s more cerebral (and infinitely more successful) Star Trek series. Of note... the episode “The Great Vegetable Rebellion” in which the crew was held hostage by an anthropomorphic carrot.

An anthropomorphic carrot?

What kind of threat could that be to anybody?

I mean... c’mon. He’s a carrot. A sentient, anthropomorphic carrot... but still, the dude is a vegetable? How can a vegetable hurt you? They are actually good for you!

How do you deal with a maniacal anthropomorphic carrot? How about grabbing a machete and doing a Martha Stewart style julienne on his a$$.

How about you douse him with extra virgin and basalmic and eat him as a heart healthy snack?

How about you send an attack rabbit to devour him. No, wait... Lost in Space was a 60’s show and we didn’t have killer attack rabbits until the Jimmy Carter administration.

But still... this isn’t a Klingon or a member of the Jem H’Adar we are talking about. It is simply an anthropomorphic carrot!

In this momentous hour of TV history, when the anthropomorphic carrot began to dehydrate, the Professor Robinson character displayed compassion by giving the anthropomorphic carrot some water.

Hmm... and CBS thought Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek was TOO cerebral and turned it down for this show. Well, CBS was the network that brought us the Hillbillies and Green Acres...

I could understand being threatened by space age hillbillies... but an anthropomorphic carrot?

Oh dear... the pain... the pain of it all...

A Heart Beat is a Love Beat?

Back in the 70’s there were lots of one-hit wonders to fill the airwaves when variety shows reigned. Remember those? Tony DeFranco and family were sort of like the Osmonds... only Italian. Capiche? Check out their one-hit below:

If you want to see what Tony is up to these days, visit the Tony DeFranco Web Site and spend a little time reminiscing. I think I will finally ask if the B-side toon “Sweet Sweet Loretta” really had a profanity on it... or if I was just hearing things?

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Original Version of Crack

I was reliving childhood memories with an old buddy and we got onto our diet as kids. One of the staples in my home was the breakfast cereal known as Kaboom.

As I recall, Kaboom was kind of like Fruit Loops with marshmallows and giant chunks of refined sugar mixed in. We didn’t eat it by the bowl... we ate it by the box.

The last time I ate a bowl of that cereal, I remember my stomach started flipping asynchronously with my brain... and it was like that scene in The Matrix where Neo realizes that he is on the Nebuchadnezzar and hurls all over the deck.

Thus, the cereal was appropriately named... although if it were still on the market, I think there would be one of those Surgeon General warnings that eating this cereal could cause a Diabetic Coma.

Whoops... what do you know?  It is still on sale.  Grab your insulin needle and have a bowl... or three!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Horn Concerto by Amadeus Ignoramus

Doing business in the Washington DC area exposes some of the worst traffic in the world. But what makes it so bad is not the large number of cars sharing a limited amount of highway. Rather, it is the “Type A” mentality of most drivers.

This was manifest this past week when it was broadcast that the driver of a Prius got into a physical altercation with a motorcyclist. According to the news report, the driver attacked the cyclist with a hammer and the cyclist broke the windshield wiper off the Prius and used it to counterattack.

I notice, when driving in the Capitol region, drivers are quick to lay on their horns if you commit such an egregious act as slowing down to make a turn at an intersection or merging into traffic. After all, allowing someone to merge might make the driver arrive at work eleven seconds later than anticipated.

At one intersection, I realized I was in a left-turn-only lane and started to merge to the right. Spotting an oncoming driver about 30 yards behind, I paused to let that driver go. Well, this waifish blonde scrunched up her face and began to serenade me with a 45-second version of the Horn Concerto by Amadeus Ignoramus. After she passed, I made the lane change and it turned out our vehicles were side-by-side. This type of thing happens several times during an hour of driving.

I guess the worst thing about such “Type A” driving is that the levels of stress that people put themselves under are potentially deadly. I had the misfortune of witnessing one irate driver suddenly slump over behind the wheel as his minivan hopped the curb and came to rest against a pole. This poor guy got so hyped up over trying to get to his destination that he wound up arriving at his eternal destination.

Driving past, I looked into the van and it seemed the guy was in his 40’s or maybe early 50’s. I thought that there might be some poor woman pacing her living room wondering, “Where is he?” She would receive a phone call bearing sad news. And possibly some children would cry themselves to sleep that night, learning that daddy would never be coming home.

The next time you start to get wound up over a slow driver or less-than-optimal traffic conditions, just stop and ask yourself if playing a chorus of the horn concerto by Amadeus Ignoramus would be worth an organist playing “Pray for the Dead” as you are being carried off to your final resting place.

To steal a phrase from comedian Bernie Mac: Chillax!

Beat The Drum

I’m not sure how this South African movie got on my Tivo... but I am overjoyed that I got to witness it.

So I went to the Beat The Drum Web Site and looked at a lot of background information, including a CNN interview with the director and the young star of this film.

If you don’t have pay cable and a DVR, I would highly suggest getting the DVD of this awesome motion picture.

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